Belonging

To whom do you belong?

I love people, miss them, and my heart aches if they are gone. Nevertheless, my heart gets torn apart when Fate makes me leave a place I love. I don't know what comes over me when I pass by my old street and my old house. Each time I wish I can go up to our old apartment and hold the walls in my arms, touch the cold tiles, kiss the windows, stand on the spot where my bed used to be. Even though at the time I hated the noise, the dirty street, the crazy neighbours, and the water we never saw except for one hour from 3:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m, but still whenever my old house comes to my mind I don't remember anything but the moments of happiness, few as they were. At least, I was still a child not knowing anything about the world. Or - to be precise - I used to read novels and think to myself: "The bad guys belong to fairytales. The good ones are the reality." However, as I was growing up, I found out - to my greatest shock - I WAS WRONG. people cheat, kill, and steal in the real world. They leave; they die; and they hurt each other.

The only place I feel safe, the only place I feel I belong to, the only place I can call home is at the tip of my pen. There, I create the Utopia I love. There I become a god. I create. I raise the people who died in my life and bring back those who left. I become in full control. No tears or sorrow. No heartaches. There are no bad guys. Only misfortunate beings toyed with by Fate. There, I don't feel alone. There, I live and breathe. There, I become "me," without a past or present or future.