Ice Cream Promises

I see myself with him in so many pictures when I was little. Most of the pictures I find myself wrapping my arms around his neck the way man holds on to a straw in a wild sea, so sure that that straw is the only way to safety. Later pictures, I see myself growing up, with only my mom in those pictures. Papa retreated either behind the camera, or worse, so far away from where we are as a family. In my adolescence years, I don't find either of them. Only pictures for school and college files. No family photos anymore.

When I was a little child, I used to believe that everything lasts forever! Isn't that typical for a young child? Only children believe in fairy tales. Now, I'm almost in my mid-twenties and the strangest thing is that I'm still trying to hold on to that little scared child in me, for that child alone is the only thing that keeps me moving ahead so bravely. That child was born inside of me because of papa. I thought that papa will always be around, no matter what. And Fate proved me wrong. Papa is away now. And that means that nothing lasts forever. If your own father can't stay with you, who else can?

Promises are like ice cream. Sweet and looking beautiful because you think you will have them forever. But then they melt like an ice cream. And you can't blame anyone. Because this is the way it should be. Papa promised me that he would always be there, so close to me. I guess that was just a sweet ice cream. And yet, I forgive you papa, you are only a human. And... I want to tell you the one thing that I can't get myself to say when you are actually around flesh and blood. Papa, I really really love and miss you so much it hurts. And I will always believe in your ice cream promises.